Yahoo! Trending: Drink More Panda Blood

If you’re new to “Yahoo Trending” it’s a recurring feature at Stories For Sunday where I take a look at the top 10 subjects trending on Yahoo.com as a source for something to write about. Yahoo! never fails to provide some interesting topics so I pick one and break it down. 

I decided it was time for another installation of “Yahoo! Trending.” I wanted to find some news stories that would be a lot more entertaining to write about than fiscal cliffs and gun control (you know, important stuff). So I turned to the site that never fails to let me know the top ten things that our country is really interested in.

And it did not disappoint. I had some great options to choose from. There was “Bieber wants new laws,” “UFO-shaped gas station” and “Latrell Sprewell arrest.” All of them were viable candidates.

But at the end of the day nothing really compared to “PANDA BLOOD”!!!!!!

So obviously I clicked on “Panda Blood” to see why it could possibly be trending. As usual, I was provided with a prolific amount of articles to choose from and as usual I randomly clicked on one.

This is the link to that article.

So here’s the breakdown for you: Some scientists over in China believe that there is a substance in Panda blood that “kills bacteria and fungi.” The substance, called cathelicidin-AM, could be used to fight certain ailments that are resistant to current Anti-Biotics. The scientists hope that they can artificially reproduce the substance from the animals to avoid what I would imagine involves stabbing a lot of pandas.

Here are my quick reactions to this story:

  • The first thing I noticed was that it was posted on FoxNews.com, which certainly does not mean that I questioned its credibility, but let’s just say I had to double-check the rest of the site for “Obama Vows to Murder All Pandas” and “Chinese Using Panda Blood to Launch American Attack” articles. However, I hit up the Google and found that other sources have also broken the story.
  • The article states that there are only about 1,600 pandas left in the world. I knew they were endangered, but is it really that few? Is every single one of them doing adorable things on the internet?
  • I call dibs on the first movie script that involves panda blood. There are  so many angles one could take. I already love the idea of Jennifer Lawrence as the environmentalists/animal lover trying to protect the pandas from the cronies working for the pharmaceutical companies. Not to mention you could just rip off Planet of the Apes, lab pandas are given the wrong super-steroids to help them produce more blood making them rebel against the humans. I don’t know, I’m just spit balling here.
  • Has anyone else seen this commercial for this odd video game a bunch of times in the past couple months?

I’m only going to say this once. If extracting blood from pandas somehow leads to a scenario even remotely similar to the things going on that commercial then I’m completely against it.

  • Take a look at this adorably hilarious video:

If panda blood is so great at protecting the immune system then explain to me why that little baby panda is sneezing. On the other hand, the mother or father panda does get pretty scared when the baby panda sneezes as if he/she has never heard a sneeze before. Perhaps the baby has defective blood. Now I’m as conflicted as ever on this whole issue. Not to mention pretty worried about that little guy. Does anyone know if he’s still alive?

—–

Overall, I think panda blood will be a pretty hot-button issue going forward. We can only hope that scientists truly are able to create the blood artificially because I really don’t like the idea of pandas bleeding panda blood just so that I can get rid of the flu.

Then again, I have the flu right now as I’m writing this. I’m pretty miserable. I wonder how much panda blood would cure me. I mean if it’s just a drop…

-Jonny Auping

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