The other night I was looking for something to watch on TV.
I caught the last five minutes of the show Duck Dynasty. I had no idea what was going on and couldn’t even come close to explaining to you the premise of the show. However, watching it did reaffirm to me the fact that we Americans live in a very strange and unusual culture.
So I wanted to dig a little deeper to find out just how weird we were as a society. So I went to a place where we can not only celebrate our individual weirdness but also buy and sell it: eBay.
Obviously there are a lot of weird things for sale on eBay, but where does one start when trying to collect a good sample of peculiar trinkets that might be for sale? I opted for the simplest route possible: I went to the website and typed in the word “weird” in the search bar.
I didn’t originally think that would work because it probably meant that whoever was selling the item would have to have inserted the word “weird” somewhere in its title or description, which seemed unlikely. But never underestimate weird people. The search came up with some pretty zany stuff and I would be remiss if I did not to share them with you.
2013 Roadkill Calendar
That’s right. A calendar for all 12 months of the year, each month complete with a picture of a dead animal on the road. Somehow, the picture above of the dead opossum is the least gruesome picture available. There are some pretty horrifying images of birds, horses and other animals with seemingly important body parts missing. October is just a human leg on the side of the road. I’m pretty sure it’s a prosthetic, but the picture is taken from too far away to know for sure.
One Huge Kentucky Geode AKA a Fancy Rock from Kentucky
Well, here’s a big, weird looking rock.
This seller is selling a lot of really big rocks and from what I can tell, seems to hold all of them using both hands over her stomach while wearing a flesh colored Snuggie for the picture. This geode is the most expensive of the bunch.
“All of our geodes come form (yep, spelling error) creeks and backwoods of Kentucky.”
Good, I’ve been ripped off a few times. If you even try to pull a fast one on me and send me a geode from the backwoods of South Carolina don’t think I won’t know the difference.
**There’s no way I’m showing you any of the seven pictures provided because you’ll never forgive me for the weeks of nightmares you’ll have. But believe me, there are pictures.
***If you really need to see them here is the link. But I warned you.
My best guess is that the seller “odd1s” got into the eBay game to help him find his next victim. So I wouldn’t recommend buying anything from him because he might just be trying to get your address so that he can come to your house, murder you and wear your skin around his creepy basement, which is very likely filled with dead cats.
Moose Poop Ear Rings
Nothing says “Happy Anniversary” like two moose droppings attached to hooks for your lady’s ears.
These things will definitely be the reason my next girlfriend breaks up with me.
X-Ray of a Child’s Leg (apparently with no knee)
Yep, this definitely is the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen anyone sell. There is no elaboration on the product beyond the title, which just says, “X ray child leg / no knee / deformation.”
It also says “REAL.”
Of course, it’s $49.84 because naturally whoever is selling an X-ray of a child’s leg has calculated down to the cent how much it is worth.
Honestly, you could have given me a million guesses and I never would have thought that this would be something you could find on eBay. They seem to be selling it for decorative use. I was so thrown off by the eerie thought of someone buying this X-ray of a child’s deformed leg and putting it in their living room that I cut this whole study short altogether.
I suppose it’s misleading to actually call this a “study” because that would involve deep analysis and quantitative research that actually led to me learning something about our culture.
I learned nothing about our culture from this experience except that the market price of poop earrings is about 13 bucks. Other than that I can just, once again, tell you that we are a peculiar society.
But if you ever want to search “weird” on eBay just know that it is like going to the store and walking down the aisle that sells leg X-rays, cat corpses, bowl movement jewelry and big rocks.
You’re not going to find this stuff at Target.