The Kim/Kanye Celebrity Babysitter Reality Show

I could always use extra work.

You could say money is tight. A couple weeks ago I wrote an article that joked about my desire to be the babysitter for Blue Ivy Carter. It would be a dream job. I assume it pays far more than I make in a year. It wouldn’t exactly be difficult; watch EPSN on a 75-inch TV while BIC naps and dreams baby celebrity dreams. Plus, I’d be on a first name basis with Jay-Z and Beyonce (which I already am, but they would actually be on a first name basis with me, which makes it seem a lot cooler).

In that same article I also made a joke about how I would not want to be the babysitter for the soon-to-be baby of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. While Jay-Z and Beyonce seem to be level-headed, entertainers/entrepreneurs who serve as reasonably competent parents, Kimye Westdasian is the combination of a tortured artist/obsessive attention seeker and an over privileged drama queen/obsessive attention seeker (I mean this in the best possible way). Anyone with even a poor grasp of basic genetics (like me) could come to the conclusion that this kid is going to be a handful. Babysitting for the little diva might pay well, but I doubt it’s worth it.

That being said, somebody’s got to do it. They’re going to be busy parents. Kanye will be busy recording/producing hit records and Kim will be busy running around on TV pretending to be busy. Someone will have to take that kid to karate lessons and baby parasailing sessions and all the other crazy shit I’m sure they will sign it up for.

That’s why I suggest a reality show where B-list celebrities compete for the chance to become the babysitter for the child of Kim Kardashian/Kanye West upon its birth. It starts with a big field of contestants and one by one they are eliminated. It could be a yearly show and the kid could have a new babysitter every year as it gets older.

Genius right? And to think someone with ideas as great as this isn’t a multi-millionaire yet.

People love celebrities competing while doing tasks that everyday, non-famous people do all the time. Why do you think The Apprentice  is still on the air? It’s sure as hell not because Donald Trump is entertaining, charismatic or intelligent. An apprenticeship with him isn’t even a cool or interesting job. But he’s the only one taking advantage of this market. Kim/Kanye Celebrity Babysitter Reality Show would blow it out of the water.

Vh1, MTV, E!, Bravo: Listen up, I take no favorites. I will sell this idea to the highest bidder. I assume that because I thought of it first I hold complete intellectual rights to the show.

If you’re still not sold on the idea let me toss around a few possibilities for the cast of season one.

Paris Hilton:

I assume that Paris Hilton and Kim Karshashian are rivals. I don’t know this for certain, but they are both rich socialites who seek attention by doing  offensive or slutty things. And they both released sex tapes.

Paris has got to be crazy jealous of how much more attention Kim gets than her these days. She would probably do anything for a sustained trip back in the limelight. Imagine how much Kim would enjoy having Paris work for her and be her lowly employee. But on the other hand, Paris could get back at her by slowly manipulating the child to dislike Kim. There are a lot of plots to be had here.

Andy Cohen:

There are two type of people who know who this guy is. Either you are a female or you are a male who at some point has had an extended relationship with a female. If you fall into either of these demographics you have probably seen this guy on TV before.

He’s a super-gay host of a number of shows on Bravo. I don’t mean that in an offensive way, I assume he would take it as a compliment. The guy is pretty gay. He is also very sassy and demonstrative. He would probably get along very well with Kanye or Kim.

There would probably be a lot of shenanigans with him dressing the baby up in zany fashion trends or trying to settle domestic disputes between Kim and Kanye.

Gary Busy:

Gary loves reality shows, he probably needs the money and he is crazy as all hell. Seems like a top candidate.

Tone Loc:

I’ll admit I have absolutely no solid reasoning for him to be on this show. But I’m all for anything that gives Tone Loc more work.

Ray Lewis:

Dude is going to need a new hobby. He always talks about how great of a family man he is. If anyone can intimidate the disfunction out of this soon-to-be household it might be Ray Lewis. Or he could just make it much more dysfunctional and add a terrifying aspect to it. Either way works.

The Non-Beyonce, Non-Kelly Rowland member of Destiny’s Child:

It would be nice to be able to hire someone who could take the baby out in public without being noticed…

The kid from Two and a Half Men:

This kid is insanely rich so he might be a reach, but I’ve read that he recently called Two and a Half Men “filth” which makes me trust his judgement. He is right around typical babysitter age (19) and he knows what it’s like to be a child celebrity. Correct me if I’m wrong, but he would be perfect to take care of little Kim or little Kanye.


Spread the word on this show people. I think this could be the idea that kick starts my path to riches.

What’s one more mindless, time-wasting show that we will all hate ourselves for watching?

-Jonny Auping

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