TV’s Trade Deadline

As I’m writing this the NBA trade deadline is an hour away.

Only one marginally significant trade has been made in the past 24 hours and NBA fans are mad. I don’t think they know why they’re mad. Sure, some of them are fans of teams that stink and they want them to get better players, but it’s more than that. Fans love to see trades, even ones that don’t involve their teams.

Fans get bored and they like to see things get mixed up. They don’t care if the trade will probably make one team worse. In fact, they might prefer to watch an eventual train wreck. They want to see players in new jerseys. They want to watch new teammates try to build chemistry. They like to pretend to be experts and hand down grades for each team involved in the trades.

Simply put, sports fans truly enjoy trades.

This got me to thinking. There’s no reason to assume that this feeling is exclusive to sports fans. People like seeing things get mixed up just for the sake of mixing things up.

So what if trading could happen with actors/characters in television shows? How great would that be? I’m talking sit-coms, dramas, reality shows, whatever. Characters traded from show to show, network to network, plot line to plot line.

I know it sounds crazy. But TV/Hollywood has refrained from doing certain things for a lot of reasons, and being too crazy is rarely one of them.

So to help sell you on the idea I’ve come up with a few potential trades for next week’s trade deadline (by the way, I arbitrarily set up the TV trade deadline as next Thursday). Remember, you might think some of these are incredibly stupid, but that’s part of the point. The Sacramento Kings made an incredibly stupid trade last night and Twitter has thoroughly enjoyed making fun of them.

*I have no idea how this would affect the plots of the shows. I suggest we just make them play a similar role to the character they replaced and completely avoid addressing the change. People will stop asking questions eventually…

Modern Family’s Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell) traded to Parenthood* for Crosby Braverman (Dax Sheppard)

It’s hard to imagine either of these shows without these two characters, but we have to embrace the change, embrace the chaos. Watching Crosby try to raise one adorable, little, five-year old, half African-American child is entertaining enough. What if he had to be the father of the three children on Modern Family? Not to mention, the dynamic between Dax Sheppard’s character and his new father-in-law (Ed O’Niel) would be a solid addition with all the pranks and shenanigans and what not.

With all the serious issues and dramas that arise in Parenthood, imagine how much faster everything would be resolved if the genius that is Phil Dunphy was there to provide wisdom to the rest of the family.

*In an unrelated note: for your information, there just happens to be something in my eye every time I watch Parenthood. It has nothing to do with all the heart-wrenching storylines.

Always Sunny’s Charlie Kelly (Charlie Day) traded to Parks and Recreation for Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt)

Two of the funniest and most likable characters on television swapped in a hilarious trade.

Imagine Charlie Kelly as the lead singer in MouseRat. Or dating April. Or shining shoes.

Imagine Andy Dwyer living with Frank Reynolds (Danny Devito). Or trying to win over the waitress.

It’s a win on all sides.

Walking Dead’s Darryl Dixon (Norm Reedus) traded to Breaking Bad for Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul)

BLOCKBUSTER TRADE!!!!!

I’ll admit I’m a season behind on both of these shows and considering how violent they are, that means both of these characters could be dead for all I know. But considering how popular both characters are I assume they are still alive.

The Walter White/Jesse Pinkman dynamic is great. But let’s be real, those two guys get in some pretty serious shit together. They have each come close to dying about 100 times. Imagine if one of them were really good at hunting people down and shooting them in the face with a cross bow.

On the other hand, The Walking Dead has gone a long way trying to make the show about the emotional dynamics within the group and how survival mode changes them (which is tough considering most of them are pretty terrible actors). You put Jesse Pinkman in this soon-to-be-apocalypse-ed world and you know he is going to call so many people/zombies “bitch.” Plus, if we know anything about Jesse it’s that he is a survivor.

The Big Bang Theory trades Penny (Kaley Cuoco) to American Idol for Nicki Minaj (judge)

Honestly, I just think it would be funny to watch Nicki Minaj hang out with all those nerdy white guys.

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I think I’ve made a pretty compelling case for TV trades. The deadline is next week. Your move network and cable stations….

-Jonny Auping

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