SWAT II: Swatting Celebrities

Have you guys heard about swatting?

If you’re still planking or Harlem Shaking or Rick Rolling then you are so out of touch. All the kids are swatting these days.

Just ask Ashton Kutcher. He was the victim of a pretty harsh swatting just the other week. So was Paris Hilton. In fact, Chris Brown, Clint Eastwood, the Kardashians, Miley Cyrus and Tom Cruise have all felt the wrath of the swatting craze.

If you haven’t heard about it, swatting is when someone calls the police and reports something very dangerous (perhaps worthy of a swat team) taking place at the residence of a celebrity. In reality, there is nothing illegal taking place at the location, but it sure is an inconvenience to the celebrity.

Like most fads there are pros and cons to swatting. One pro is that it’s funny, which is a pretty big pro. It also caused the following sentence to be written: “The actor himself rushed home from the set of Two and a Half Men after hearing of the “emergency.”” The kid who swatted Kutcher will be sentenced in a juvenile court, but if his fake bomb threat by any chance delayed an episode of Two and a Half Men (or perhaps even prevented the episode from being shot altogether) then I would like to think some sort of presidential pardon would be put in place to reward the young man.

The down side of the fad is that it’s very illegal. Not to mention extremely dangerous. The fact that no police officers were shot during the swatting of Clint Eastwood is nothing short of a miracle.

But the real question is why is this swatting craze so trendy? Why are kids indulging in this ultimately risky prank? Why now?

I think the only logical answer is that it is because we are quickly approaching the tenth year anniversary of the cinematic masterpiece S.W.A.T. starring Colin Farrell and Samuel L. Jackson. That’s right, the movie that challenges Citizen Kane, Casablanca and the Shawshank Redemption for best movie of all-time will reach its tenth year in existence this August.

Clearly these young teenagers are just paying homage to an all-time great with their reckless pranks.

If you haven’t seen S.W.A.T. it’s about a drug king pin who needs to be transfered from one prison to another and publicly states that he will offer $100 million to anyone who can free him from prison. And guess who’s transferring him? That’s right, the S.W.A.T. team led by Samuel L. Jackson and a young, rebellious “Jim Street” played by Colin Farrell. Apart from Farrell and Jackson the film also includes LL Cool J, Michelle Rodriguez (of Fast and Furious fame) and Jeremy Renner who plays a rogue officer trying to get his piece of the $100 million.

Below is a video with all the cool action sequences from the movie:

(I would say that you no longer need to see the movie, but then you would miss all the witty dialogue from LL Cool J).

Well, with almost a decade having passed since this landmark film was released and the new swatting fad taking Hollywood by storm, I’ve had a premonition…

What about a S.W.A.T. sequel based on the Swatting craze?

Here me out:

So the gang gets back together to solve a national emergency. What’s the big crisis? Well, the celebrity swatting craze is in full effect. Prank calls are being called in at a record level of celebrities doing illegal things in their houses; Ashton Kutcher, Clint Eastwood, Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, (I say we add DMX, Taylor Swift and Wiz Khalifa), they are all victims. But here’s the catch: FBI insider intelligence tells us that one of these drug possessing, human trafficking, bomb wielding celebrities is actually guilty of all the crimes he or she has been accused of.

The problem is that with all the false claims made towards the celebrities it’s impossible to tell which celebrity is guilty of all the crimes/is planning an attack on the president (oh yeah, that’s also happening in this movie).

So it’s up to Sargent Hondo (Sam Jackson) and his S.W.A.T. team to take initiative and move in on these pampered celebrities. The guilty party will likely have a ton of hired assassins working for him/her so the team will have to be on their toes. Not to mention that even if DMX isn’t the guilty party you’re crazy if you think trying to break into DMX’s house is even remotely safe.

Can you imagine the pandemonium? We could witness Sam Jackson in a shouting match/interrogation with Clint Eastwood. Or Colin Farrell sneaking off and having an intimate moment with Paris Hilton. Or what about LL Cool J in a rap battle with Wiz Khalifa for no apparent reason? Maybe even Michelle Rodriguez beating the hell out of Ashton Kutcher.

There would be two ways to film this movie. They could cast all the accused celebrities for the movie and they could play themselves. OR they could not tell the celebrities about the movie and just film the home invasion almost like a reality show. I think the legal ramifications of the second idea will most likely make it ultimately impossible, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep the idea on the back burner during pre-production.

This movie is my from. Hopefully, during this summer’s movie season it will become a reality.

-Jonny Auping

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