My Email to Justin Timberlake’s Restaurant

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Some might say I’m a “petty” guy.

Some guys have lives that are just exponeitally cooler than mine. Not to say that I take for granted all the great stuff in my own life, but I’ll be honst, I get jealous of some people.

A few months ago Ryan Gosling was one of those people. When I realized that on top of being a good looking, incredibly talented actor who is every girl’s fantasy, he also owned an upscale restaraunt in Los Angeles, I became all the more jealous.

That led me to write this email to Gosling’s Moroccan establishment about five months ago. For whatever reason, that email became one of the most popular posts that this website has ever published.

Fast forward to right now.

It turns out, on the opposite side of the country, in New York City, there is another restaurant that happens to be owned by a wealthy, successful, talented and famous young gentleman.

It’s called “Southern Hospitality BBQ” and it is a passion project of none other than Justin Timberlake.

I found out about it on Timberlake’s Wikipedia page, which might possibly take weeks to finish reading. If you didn’t already know, JT’s quite the entrepreneur. Apparently he recently invested a large sum of money into the social networking platform MySpace. Good move passing up on Xanga and going straight for the big dog.

Timberlake, who is from Memphis, took his limited free time to help develop a restaurant that serves delicious, Southern comfort food and brought it to New York City. Him and his two business partners named it “Southern Hospitality BBQ.”

Here is a link to the restaurant’s website.

The site lists Timberlake as the “co-creator and creative consultant” of the establishment. You probably didn’t even know restaurants had creative consultants. Well, who do you think decides what crazy shit to put on the walls at Chili’s?

I navigated the website for a bit and discovered that they have a whole page dedicated to booking events. They even provided an email address for you to send the details of your party. So as you might expect, I emailed that address with a relatively specific request.

Here is picture of the email:

Screen Shot 2013-04-12 at 12.47.12 PM

And here is a transcribed copy of the request:

Mr. Timberlake,

It was truly a revelation to find out about the existence of your Memphis-style BBQ restaurant in New York. I’m normally a Kansas City-BBQ type of guy, but I’m sure I can make an exception for your SexyBack Ribs. That’s a little joke, I mean BabyBack ribs of course.

I like to lead off with a joke, but I’m actually looking to address some business. I’m really excited about the potential of Southern Hospitality playing host to my Sons of Anarchy watching party, but before we finalize anything I have a few requests that I think we should go over. This is all pretty basic stuff.

For starters, I have to warn you, my Sons of Anarchy crew can all get a little shy around celebrities. You should have seen how star struck they were when we met the guy from the Papa Johns commercials. Of course, I’m not trying to say you’re as big of a celebrity as Papa, but they still might get a little nervous around you. That’s why I think that it would be fitting if you treated them like you treated that kid you kidnapped in Alpha Dog. You know, tough-guy at first, but then show them around the place, get them some beers, maybe develop a sort of little brother-type-relationship. However, I don’t think I have to tell you that I don’t want any of them to be killed and buried in a canyon somewhere.

Also, I don’t know what type of dress code you enforce, but despite your recent single, none of us will be wearing suits and ties. We will be wearing matching fan-made, leather SOA vests. That being said, if at all possible it would be greatly appreciated if there was a corner booth where Jay-Z could be sitting all night, wearing a tuxedo and smoking a cigar. That way, at any point, someone could sit at the booth with him, smoke a cigar and make small talk. I would be willing to pay up to 75 additional dollars to make this happen.

Of course, Ms. Jessica Biel is welcome to come to the event, but some of us have not yet seen Total Recall so just tell her, please, no spoilers. Lastly and most importantly, Joey Fatone CANNOT be at this event. The restraining order is still valid for another four months.

I really look forward to doing business with you. If things go well (and I have a feeling they will) Southern Hospitality will certainly be considered for our Justified watching party in a few months.

Sincerely,

Jax (of the SOA Super Fan Gang)

At this point all I can do is wait for a response. We’ll see if Timberlake is a little bit more considerate to the requests of his patrons than Mr. Ryan Gosling was.

And of course, you’re all invited to the watching party.
-Jonny Auping
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