You’ve probably heard of the game Wikipedia Wars.
It’s a game where two or more people are given two words/things that definitely have Wikipedia pages. One is the starting line and one is the finish line. For those of you who don’t know (AKA people over 85 years old), every word in a Wikipedia page that also has its own Wikipedia page can be clicked on and taken to that Wikipedia page. For example, if you went to Tom Cruise’s Wikipedia page you would see the sentence “Cruise is known for his Scientologist faith” and you could click on the word “scientologist” and you would be taken to its Wikipedia page. The point is to use these links to go from page to page trying to reach the given word before your opponent. So you might be given the terms “Reese Witherspoon” and “Ronald Reagan” and you would have to get from one to the other using the links.
It’s pretty fun…for like five minutes.
So I thought what if we take a similar concept for a game and simply add dangerous amounts of alcohol and angry, ignorant comments from sad, lonely people?
And so I created the Youtube Comments Drinking Game.
The game is to find entertainment in the vile world that is the Youtube comments section. These people are really serious about their comments. We know this because they take the time to log in to their Youtube account in order to comment. That’s like thinking you’ll grill a burger for lunch then realizing you need to clean the George Foreman. In all likelihood, you’re just going to have something else to eat, it’s just not worth it. If you actually take the time to clean it then you were pretty passionate about that burger.
The beauty of this game is that when we normally go to the Youtube comments section (or any comment section on the internet) it’s very easy to become extremely depressed about the ignorance, hate and intolerant nature that exists in our society. It’s discouraging. It kind of makes you want to…drink heavily.
So without further ado…here are the rules
First you and your friend(s) have to choose a very positive, funny or cute video. It can be a video of kittens or puppies. It can be a hamster dancing. It can even be a scene for the movie Up.
A good trick is to just enter words like “adorable” or “inspiring” in the search bar and see what kind of options they generate.
You’re welcome to take some liberties with the starting video. The only rule is that it cannot be a video that upon watching it makes you feel any anger, fear, worry or any other negative emotions.
Now, once you’ve chosen your video you take a gander at the the comments section. You read through the comments and drink (according to the chart below). If you run out of comments then you look towards the right side of the page where there should be suggested/similar videos and you can click on any of the suggestions.
After 10 videos you are done. You should have a nice buzz going. Or need an ambulance.
You see the word “fuck”: Drink a half a shot glass of beer. (Doesn’t seem like much, but you will see a lot of this word).
You see the word “gay”:*Rule: cannot be in reference to anything homosexual in the video*: Drink one shot of beer.
You see the word “fake”: Drink one shot of beer.
You see the words “fake and gay” together in the same comment: Drink three shots of beer.
You see a gay or racial slur: Drink one shot of whiskey.
You see a death threat aimed towards the creator of the video: Drink one shot of vodka.
You see a death threat aimed towards a fellow commenter: Drink one shot of gin.
You see the words “You probably like this video because you’re an abortionist baby killer”: Drink an entire can of Four Lokos in 10 minutes or less. (This seems pretty specific, but I want you to be able to know what to do if the situation arises).
You see an angry statement directed towards Barack Obama: *Rule: Barack Obama cannot be featured in the video: Chug one can of beer
You see a comment by the user name “JewH8R45”: Drink four teaspoons of Dimetapp.
You see the words “This comment was flagged as spam” (In other words, “This comment was so ignorant, racist or terrifying that we removed it so that you wouldn’t be afraid to return to Youtube): Pick two numbers 1-10 and remember them. Then take a blindfold and go to the liquor store. The first number is the aisle that you should walk to the middle of. The second number is the number of times you will spin in a circle with the blindfold covering your eyes. Then point randomly at wherever you are facing, take the blindfold off and purchase whatever you are pointing at. Finish it within 20 minutes of returning home.
You see a comment suggesting that people of other races, religions, political parties, or generally different core beliefs enjoy having sex with animals: Find someone staring at a computer screen and typing a keyboard anywhere in your neighborhood or close proximity (look in people’s windows if you have to), break into their house, give them a hug and say “Someone cares about you. You don’t have to be so angry.”…..Then do an Irish Car Bomb.
So after creating the rules for this I did a trial run to see what the results would be. Instead of actually drinking, I just wrote down what I would have had to drink if I were actually playing.
Here were the results after 10 videos:
So whether you’re a college kid trying to pre-game before you hit up the local bars or a concerned citizen worried about the future of our society, give the Youtube Comments Drinking Game a try…and have poison control on speed dial.