Thoughts For Thursday: A Brief Return

If you have followed this website since its creation then you know that our earliest recurring feature was a piece written by Clark called “Thoughts For Thursday.” It was a very simple concept that resulted in very funny content. A lot of people liked it, but I don’t think they really realized the science behind it. They weren’t just thoughts, they were almost like haikus, except instead of a carefully crafted syllable pattern, they had funny points about extremely random topics. 

So I’ve spent countless hours studying some of Clark’s final “Thoughts For Thursday” posts and I’ve spent even more hours practicing them myself, hoping to be able to replicate the delicate style on my own. I think I have come as close as I can get. This is the result:

Retro Thought:

-When I hear a song that I like from the sixties or seventies I simply listen to it without any commentary of my own. I might turn it up a little if I really like it.

When I hear a song that I like from the mid to late nineties I turn it up extremely loud and say “Oh yeah! Throwback!” 

Chronologically speaking, this doesn’t make sense. 

Generational Thought:

People who graduated college in the last five years are fighting a constant battle of perception. They must either admit that they still strongly depend on their parents at times OR pretend Flight of the Butterflies is on their Netflix “Recently Watched” queue because they are actually really into butterflies. 

Music Thought:

I’ve said this before, but The Lumineers dress like they were cast in Oh Brother Where Art Thou? and never took off their costumes. Why can’t you just dress like normal people? Your songs are catchy, we’ll still listen to you. It’s the 21st Century, I know you guys wear sweatpants or basketball shorts when you’re watching TV.

Social Media Thought:

I don’t know what it is, but seeing one of my tweets being “favorited” by someone else just doesn’t fill the gaping hole in my self-esteem the way seeing one of my Facebook statuses being “liked” does. #Lonely

Food Thought:

I’ve never eaten a quiche and to be honest, I’ve never really understood what it is. I’m reaching the point in my life where I think I might just never know. I’m 24 years old. I feel like it’s too late to ask another human being and I’m too lazy to look it up. 

Safety Thought:

Ladies, if a guy invites you to an EDM party be wary. It could mean an Electronic Dance Music party OR it could mean an Erectile Disfunction Medicine party. If it’s an Erectile Disfunction Medicine party then you should avoid it because there are probably sexual implications. If it’s an Electronic Dance Music party then you should avoid it because electronic dance music is fucking lame.

Cheap Promotion Thought:

I was mugged about four years ago. The crime was caught on tape. The surveillance footage was then turned into a Jason Derulo music video. 

You can read about it/watch the video here.   

Philosophical Thought:

If you listen to a song on Spotify, but no one on Facebook even noticies, did you really listen to it?

Fashion Thought:

I believe the next new fashion trend is wearing the same brand of shoes in different colors. Jordan’s, Kanye’s, Toms, Air Force Ones, they all come in different colors and styles, but the blue ones and the red ones are essentially the same shoe. If you wear a size 10 in one color then you probably wear a size 10 in another color. 

You guys should all jump on the bandwagon early. It might be tough the first couple years. Trendsetters are often made fun of for being “different,” but 15 years from now, when Blue Ivy Carter and North West are wearing different color shoes on the red carpet, you’ll know you were part of a movement. 

Television Thought:

Every time I watch an episode of Sons of Anarchy I am reminded of how little my life resembles the lives of the characters on Sons of Anarchy.

Privacy Thought:

I think there is a pretty big misconception about Google Incognito. I think a lot of women believe that men only use Google Incognito to look up porn. I can see how the shady looking man wearing sunglasses and a trenchcoat might put off that vibe, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

We actually use it to find answers to questions that we should already know. The other day I used Google Incognito to search “How to make an omelet.” I should definitely have already known how to cook an omelet at my age and it would have been embarrassing if it showed up in my regular search bar. These are the kind of things we use Google Incognito for….also the porn. 

-That’s the best I can do in trying to immitate “Thoughts For Thursday,” which, as always, is creatively funded by readers like you.

Jonny Auping

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