The Trendy Tourney is a 16-seed tournament of all things trendy created in order to determine what is the biggest fad of the moment. If you missed the unveiling of the tournament and would like to see the first round match-ups click here.
It’s time to unveil the winners of the first round of the first ever Trendy Tourney. First, I’ll quickly address the most common complaints. Those of you complaining that two college football players made the list compared to zero NFL players should know that I have no anti-NFL bias. The NFL is equally as trendy as it is every year, but not any more than it usually is. And while people are just excited about the sport, there are no players or teams that are especially hyped going into the season. I also received some angry responses from people upset that I compared Shawshank Redemption to The Mummy Returns. I’ll give you that one. I was pretty out of line and that comparison was borderline unforgivable. I truly apologize.
Now, on to the results:
[1-Seed] Vines defeats [16-seed] SnapChat
If you think about it, it doesn’t really make sense that either of these things are as popular as they both are. They just aren’t very practical. But nonetheless, the thing that creates short, choppy, pieced together videos with brutal audio defeated the app on your phone that you could basically already do by texting.
Side-note: If anyone has even more free time than me, I’m interested in creating a Tumblr, Twitter account or Facebook page called “Socially Conscious Vines.” It would basically piece together five seconds compilations of famous speeches about Civil Rights or social improvement, but each clip would feature poorly positioned camera work and the audio would always cut off at the most annoying time. Also, each Vine would end with a dog driving a car.
[2-seed] Breaking Bad defeats [15-seed] Saying YOLO Ironically
This was pretty much a landslide victory for Breaking Bad. What really separated it wasn’t the people who are watching the current season live, but all the people that are still trying to catch up on Netflix and randomly tweet about episodes from Season three as if anyone else just so happened to watch that episode at the same time as them. The show is still running off of momentum that it built up three years ago. Our nation loves nothing more to watch hours of Breaking Bad and not be bothered by anyone. YOLO.
[3-seed] Emojis defeats [14-seed] Pretending There Isn’t A Huge Conflict in Syria
Pretending There Isn’t a Huge Conflict in Syria never really stood a chance here. To be fair, over the weekend, we all did a great job of completely ignoring the giant political issue on the other side of the world. However, the problem is that in order to pretend there isn’t a huge conflict in Syria, we have to avoid talking about it. And we have to talk about something for it to be trendy. So emojis win by default—– Feeling Excited.
[13-seed] Doritos Locos Tacos defeat [4-seed] CrossFit
Our first big upset of the tournament. CrossFit put up a good fight, but you have to understand that this did not include ToughMudder or ColorRun. If they were one giant conglomerate then it might have been a different result. But separately, they all just seem like things that will be remembered no differently than Zumba, Tao Bo, and P-90x. There will soon be a time when we again exercise just to be healthy and not to get a profile picture of ourselves dirty and posing with a couple casual friends.
[5-seed] Lists on the Internet defeated [12-seed] Jadeveon Clowney
This was the largest margin of victory in the entire tournament. Clowney did himself no favors by having a very quiet opening day of college football. Meanwhile, 19 WTF Moments From Full House is still the sort of thing that distracts you from the job you hate.
[11-seed] Johnny Football defeats [6-seed] Hating on Miley Cyrus
This was the closest matchup of the first round. I really expected Miley to pull this one out, but I just don’t think the hate is as strong a week after the VMA’s. I mean, everyone seemed to love her “We Can’t Stop” video for how insane it was. Then she did those things in public and it made everyone crazy. That kind of hype doesn’t last.
Johnny Football kicked off the season by serving a half game suspension, throwing three touchdowns in the second half, making a “get money” sign when he was suspended for selling his own autograph, and getting a penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct. The guy’s just going too strong right now.
[7-seed] Anna Kendrick defeats [10-seed] Duck Dynasty
I just had to make an executive decision on this one. It was too close. But too many people find Anna Kendrick extremely likable. I apologized for the Mummy Returns/Shawshank comparison, but I stand by the Pitch Perfect/Shawshank comparison. Get mad at me if you want to, but I’m not turning either of them off when they’re on TV.
But I have to give credit to Duck Dynasty after reading this insane fact from TV writer Andy Greenwald: “The highest-rated episodes of Breaking Bad and Mad Men combined would still only equal about 75 percent of Duck Dynasty’s Season Four premier episode.”
Whatever… “Cups” makes me smile.
[8-seed] Molly defeats [9-seed] Not Knowing What to Do When Someone Adds You on Google+
People love saying Molly. Some people like taking it. But not nearly as much as they love saying it.
So here is what the second round will look like:
[1-seed] Vines versus [8-seed] Molly
[13-seed] Doritos Locos Tacos versus [5-seed] Lists on the Internet
[3-seed] Emojis versus [11-seed] Johnny Football
[7-seed] Anna Kendrick versus [2-seed] Breaking Bad
If you contact me at Jonathan.Auping@gmail.com or on Twitter @JonathanAuping then your vote will be factored in. The second round results will be posted later this week.