“Tuesdays With 2 Chainz” is a recuring feature in which the author takes a moment to discuss what is new in the life of rapper 2 Chainz or bless the public with assorted bits of 2 Chainz trivia.
A TON has happened with 2 Chainz since the last time we talked. He released an album and a cook book. In fact, I was almost too overwhelmed to write this. It seemed impossible to even attempt writing anything under 3,000 words. But I figured out a way to spare you all of that. I decided I would supply you with the five most ridiculous lines from 2 Chainz’ album, “B.O.A.T.S. II Me Time”, and the five most ridiculous excerpts from his cookbook #MealTime: 2 Chainz TourBus Recipes.
First, the album:
“I’m raw, talking California Rolls,
Smoking California Weed with California Hoes.”
It’s weird that he would choose the one type of sushi roll that has no raw meat in it when he’s trying to associate with the word raw.
“I’m on top like a toupee,
You on the side like a toothache.
Box your ass, suitcase.
I’m real, you aint.”
There’s very little doubt in my mind that it took him less time to think of that than it did for me to type this sentence.
“I smoke just to ease the pain.
So hungry I used to try to eat the rain.
Well at least until the pizza came.”
Is there any way this makes sense? You can’t eat rain and if you’re that hungry just go pick up the pizza yourself, it’s faster.
“My wrist deserve a shout out, I’m like ‘What up, wrist?’
My stove deserve a shout out, I’m like ‘What up, stove?’
All this jewelry on then I’m out cold.”
The words are supposed to rhyme in hip-hop.
“And here you are, a black unicorn,
Mythical, mystical, since the day that your were born.”
This is the same guy that gave a shout out to his stove a few songs earlier.
And now the highly anticipated cookbook:
“Be sure to season every single meal in layers as you prepare the recipes so as to avoid throwing seasonings on dishes after they’re already cooked, and items being prepared can absorb the flavors of the spices.”
Wait, he actually knows how to speak in full sentences?
“Call Fergie, invite her to watch a movie on Netflix. Once she accepts, start making green beans.”
-Recipe for Green Beans
I’m going to be honest, if Fergie doesn’t want to watch Parenthood on Netflix that might be a deal breaker for me in terms of the green beans.
“Cook for 3-4 minutes while blasting ‘Hit It With a Fork’ at an ignorant level.”
-Recipe for Teriyaki Salmon
This is pretty easily my favorite line from any cookbook ever.
“While you wait feel free to watch Belly on the big screen.”
-Recipe for Teriyaki Salmon
Once again, probably going to be watching Parenthood.
“Serve warm, lean back and vibe out.”
-Sautéed Asparagus recipe.
2 Chainz once again proves he is the renaissance man of our generation.
What up, Stove?