Here at Stories For Sunday, we’re huge fans of the website Thought Catalog. It’s our go-to for addressing the generational woes of twenty-somethings like us. Without it, how would we know how to solve our relationship problems or live life to the fullest or not take life too seriously? Where would we go for cool pictures of sunsets or attractive people struggling to get out of bed?
Unfortunately, we don’t have what it takes to write for Thought Catalog. Something about being too sarcastic and immature. But you know what they say: “If you can’t join em, copy em.” That’s why we’re bringing you “Think Catalog.” I’m going to try as hard as I can to provide that poignant, inspiring, life-changing content that you would normally find at Thought Catalog.
Here we go, for your personal betterment, 10 things you MUST do before you turn 25:
1.) Turn 24:
I can’t stress this enough, guys, you HAVE to turn 24 before you turn 25. It’s the only way to do it. A lot of other sites might tell you to just go straight for 25, but not Think Catalog. Do you have any idea how many cool experiences you can think about doing while you sit in your work cubicle during that extra year?
2.) Graduate High School:
I know what you’re thinking, “High school is an awful place where I can’t be myself. Everything I need to know I’ll learn on lighted rooftops in NYC from the fedora-wearing friends I’ll make.” I totally agree. I mean high school didn’t even teach me about the “20 Important Relationship Rules That Are Often Ignored.” What use is it?
But it turns out you really need a high school diploma. Pretty much every barista job in NYC still requires at least a GED. I did some research and apparently every character from Girls graduated high school, so I guess it’s worth the time.
3.) Get a Driver’s License:
Most people do this at 16. If you want to wait until 19 or 20 that’s fine too. But you really need a driver’s license. That way you can take life by the horns and travel to cool places across the country. That’s what life is all about in your twenties. Go travel to Hemingway’s birthplace or NYC…yeah….gotta travel to NYC. You’ll be like those cool people in the Taco Bell commercial road-tripping to find Doritos Locos Tacos.
Besides, you need identification for when the bouncers ID you while you try to go see the newest indie band.
4.) Lose All Your Baby Teeth:
Guys, I can’t overstate how important this is to do before you turn 25. We totally recommend you travel to somewhere like Italy or Paris or NYC. Still having your baby teeth makes it that much harder to taste all that Italian or French cuisine. You really want to have a cultured palette and you can’t do that with baby teeth.
Do you think the guy who wrote “17 Delicious Yet Bizarre Foods Korean Grew Up With” had full-grown, adult teeth? You bet your ass he did.
5.) Learn to Read:
Part of being a well-rounded adult is going into the forrest (or Central Park in NYC) and reading Thoreau and Emerson. You can read them on your Kindle or iPad. Thoreau and Emerson would have loved cool electrical gadgets like Kindles and iPads.
But first you must learn to read.
6.) Read Lists on the Internet:
Actually scratch that literature idea, all you need are lists on the Internet. The reason our generation is so great is because we are inspired by things that start with the words “17 signs that…” or “19 Reasons that…”
Who needs books and essays? Lists on the Internet are what separate us from other generations. It’s the reason we’re so enlightenable.
7.) Learn to Tie Your Shoes:
Don’t make the mistake of turning 25 and realizing that there are some activities that you can’t wear Toms to. Eventually you might have to wear shoes with shoelaces and when that time comes you better know how to tie them.
8.) Know What a Vegetable Looks Like:
I’ve heard that vegetables are healthy, but even if that’s true, it has nothing to do with why you should be able to identify one. You just don’t want to be the butt of the joke when you and all your friends go to Trader Joe’s.
9.) Watch Movies Where People Get Dumped:
If I’ve learned anything from Thought Catalog it’s that life is all about getting dumped or breaking up with someone, grieving by finding a good list on the Internet with advice and then starting the process again with someone else.
Watch a sad movie where this sort of thing happens. You don’t want to be the dummy who amicably moves on after a break-up or, even worse, find someone you love and spend the rest of your life with them.
10.) Be Able to Locate NYC on a Map:
Because you’re going there. You and your driver’s license, adult teeth and newly learned ability to read need to head to the Big Apple. NYC is where you can find yourself. And when you can’t find yourself, just find a good list on the Internet and be whatever that tells you to be. Just make sure you bring your knitted beanie with you. They might not even let you into Trader Joe’s without one.
That’s our advice, fellow Millennials. Take it to heart. Think Catalog out.