Donald was watching the Walking Dead.
Everything was going great. Well, Carl was lost somewhere in the woods, but he does that sort of thing all the time, he’ll find his way back. Other than that, things were really running smoothly. Rick made some tough decisions, while the stubble on his beard remained the exact same length going on eight weeks, Daryl still hadn’t found any sleeves and most importantly, nearly 50 zombies had been stabbed or shot directly in the face.
In other words, Donald was entertained and perfectly content with the way his life was going, staring mindlessly at his Netflix screen.
Then, all of a sudden, something happened. As the episode neared its ending it was minimized into the top left corner of the screen. In the bottom right corner of the screen was the name of the next episode. “Walking Dead on Netflix” was written in the background. But worst of all were the words written on the right hand of the screen:
“Next episode playing in 15 seconds…”
Wait…what? 15 seconds? Donald didn’t understand. What was he supposed to do for 15 seconds? Watching “walkers” be murdered by crossbow required no thought, yet it prevented him from thinking about anything else. What was he supposed to think about as Netflix made him wait?
What followed was the most meditative, soul-searching 15 seconds that Donald had experienced in quite some time….
“Am I hungry? When was the last time I ate something? When was the last time I had any kind of fruit? If there’s some fruit in my fridge I should definitely have that. Oh, actually I think that Little Caesar’s pizza is still in there…”
“It’s Sunday, right? Maybe it’s Saturday. Oh man, that would be awesome if it were Saturday. I think it is Saturday. Hell yeah, extra day to relax and watch some Netflix….”
(It was Wednesday)
“What should I get my mom for Christmas? I have to start thinking about what other people want when I buy gifts and not just buy something for them that I would like for myself. Mom likes Mad Men, right? I’m pretty sure she does. What season am I on? Four? Alright, season four of Mad Men it is. I’m a great son…”
“Is Tracy Chapman a man or a woman…?”
“I mean, I’m pretty sure “Give Me One Reason” could be written from both a man or woman’s perspective. Either way, it’s a hell of a song…”
“That was weird when my ex texted me the other day. Are we friends now? I don’t miss her or anything. I’m totally fine without her. Who the hell is that guy in her profile picture? It’s total bullshit how she let me be the last one to text in the conversation. Now I look like the desperate one. I’m not desperate! She’s the one who texted me first!…”
“The other week when that homeless woman asked my friends and I for $2 for bus fare none of us gave her any money and agreed that she would just waste it on something. Then we all went to a bar and bought numerous $3 beers.
We wasted that money. Wouldn’t giving it to someone less fortunate mean it wouldn’t have been wasted regardless?”
“Is the cute girl from the coffee shop into me?
She uses a lot of exclamation marks when she texts me. Why do girls do that? It’s deceiving. She can’t honestly be that excited about every singe sentence she texts!!!!…”
“Is it weird that we measure our worth in “likes” and “retweets” instead of compliments and smiles?…”
“I barely remember when I used to read. I mean, actually read. Like novels and articles with actual substance. In the future, will every published sentence be accompanied by a GIF?…”
“It seems like the most insulting thing to call someone is a racist. Nearly everyone in the world will disagree with the notion that they are racist. Yet there is clearly a lot of racism in the world. Does that mean I have to admit certain degrees of racist behavior in myself?..”
“Is the constant fight between atheists and Christians actually detrimental to the mental state of both of them? Pretending to know with certainty everything about the origins of our being seems like an arrogant insult to either the creator or the science that led us here. Being able to understand the necessary uncertainty of faith and beliefs usually helps us reach a more sincere connection with the lessons that religions or even science preach to us.
Hopefully people just stop fighting….”
“Didn’t I want to be a musician at one point? How long ago was that? I guess it was college. In fact, I majored in music in college…”
“It wasn’t just about music. I wanted to create something. I wanted to balance out the spectrum of what I consumed versus what I created. I wanted to contribute. I wanted to put things out there and hope that they made someone laugh, cry, sing, smile, frown or think…”
“I can still do that. I can create music. I can create songs. I can make things that will touch people of different religions and politics.
I can start today. If I go to the store right now and buy some pen and paper then I’ll be ready to….”
“Whoa, they’re gonna set up camp in a prison? Oh. My. God. I bet it’s full of Walkers. I can’t wait to see what Laurie thinks of this one….”