News broke this week that the late rapper Tupac Shakur auditioned and was seriously considered for a part in Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace. George Lucas was apparently interested in him for the role of a Jedi. This is incredible news.
If you’re even a little bit like me then you are trying to imagine a Star Wars movie with Tupac playing a major role. BUT if you’re a lot like me then you are trying to imagine a Star Wars movie with only rappers. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past two days.
So now I’m going to share with you what I’ve come up with. Here are the classic Star Wars characters and which rappers should be playing each and every one of them. If you happen to know anyone in Hollywood please remind them that my suggestions, although brilliant, do not come free.
Jedi Master Mace Windu- Tupac Shakur
We already covered this one. Apparently Sam Jackson actually played the role of Windu after Tupac was killed. I don’t really remember this character because I don’t really remember this movie because I’m pretty sure it was terrible. But it was probably terrible because Tupac Shakur wasn’t in it. In other words, transitively speaking, we would all remember Mace Windu if he were played by 2Pac.
It really does seem like a waste to not have a rapper play the character considering it sounds like the name of a local DJ for a roller skating rink. Nobody skating would even flinch if they heard “Alright we got Master Jedi Mace Windu on the one’s and two’s. Partner up everybody…”
Sam Jackson might yell a lot, but no one could be a more intimidating jedi than the guy who created this:
Luke Skywalker – Eminem
Well, they are both pretty undeniably white. I mean, one glance at either of them and you’d be like “Yep, both his parents are white. No doubt about it.” So there’s that.
They both have pretty serious parent issues. Luke was an orphan whose father eventually cuts his hand off. Marshall Mathers was abandoned by his dad and has had a pretty complicated relationship with his mom.
But they overcame family troubles and apparent whiteness and went on to save the galaxy/become a platinum selling rapper.
Han Solo – Jay Z
Han Solo is easily the coolest character in Star Wars. I don’t think that’s even up for debate. What is up for debate is whether or not Jay-Z is the coolest person in reality. The fact that he is even in the running is why he should play Han Solo.
Also, they both can successfully rock a vest better than the rest of us (see above pictures).
C-3PO – Diddy
You know how C-3PO is really not that talented for a futuristic robot and he has way too much screen time and everything he says is really annoying?
Remind you of anybody?
Darth Vader – Kanye West
A lot of people hate Kanye West. Personally, I’m not one of them, but that doesn’t change the fact that a lot of people hate Kanye West. But that’s a small part of what makes him cool, right?
The same goes for Darth Vader. People get goosebumps when Darth Vader enters a scene. He might be the bad guy, but the movie would be incredibly boring without him.
Plus, they’re both fathers. Yo North, let’s talk babysitters.
Jabba the Hutt – Rick Ross
This one’s self-explanatory, right?
Jar Jar Binks – 2 Chainz
No one really knows if they are supposed to be jokes or if we are supposed to take them seriously as characters/musicians.
Chewbacca – Mystical
This one works because, like Chewbacca, it’s just about impossible to decipher anything that Mystical is saying.
Storm Troopers – Wu Tang Clan
This one is probably not realistic. There are way more members of Wu-Tang Clan than there are Storm Troopers.
Yoda – Kendrick Lamar
Settle down guys, it’s not because he’s short, it’s because he’s wise (though I probably wouldn’t have thought of the comparison if he wasn’t short).
Look, these are just small changes and they would barely change Star Wars, but I do think they would manage to make it better. Maybe Drake could play Obi Wan Kenobi or Big Sean could play an ewok or Snoop Dogg could just inexplicably play himself and no would ask questions.
No matter how you slice it, there’s a 100 percent chance I would see this movie.