Daniel told people that his anteater loved marshmallows. One time it ate four marshmallows in a two-minute span. He never told them that he dropped the marshmallows in ant piles so they were literally covered in ants. 

One thing his anteater didn’t like: Japanese people. 

He often sat the 20-pound creature down and told him that World War II was a different time and that people should be judged by their individual actions instead of the transgressions of their country over six decades ago, but the anteater was stuck in its ways.

“I can’t have you offending people I’m close to. My girlfriend is Filipino and that’s close enough.”

 Eventually Christina left him. She was actually Mexican. 

The anteater didn’t apologize. It’s an anteater. It can’t talk. 

–Jonny Auping