“Of Standard Mail, I’m just not a fan,
I just don’t like all of the spam.
Call it junk mail or call them coupons,
They are clunky and annoying, unlike Groupons.
Yesterday I bought their Daily Deal,
and today I used them for each and every meal.
I didn’t enjoy the chicken parm,
but at 42% off, what’s the harm?
“Oh the places you’ll go,
Oh the places you’ll see,
If you never say no
To a Groupon spree.
You’ll get a Segway Tour
Of the Petting Zoo
Or spend a few bucks fewer
For some bowling shoes.
You don’t have a pet,
But you know someone who does,
So buy that Memory Foam Pet Bed,
You’re really not sure if you can take off of work,
But there’s a Groupon Getaway for three nights in New York.
While you’re there, why not reserve an “archery outing,”
Or buy a half-off manicure so your girlfriend stops pouting.
A giant trampoline or another water slide,
It’s all so cheap, how dare you imply,
That it’s excessive or unnecessary.
That’s simply a lie.
Horseback riding through a haunted house,
Or what about pole dancing lessons just for your spouse.
You already have two iPads,
Whats’s one more?
Better buy a 70% off case,
Just to be sure.
My bank account’s low and just getting lower,
But the Groupon offers are not coming slower,
A couple offers a day,
For random stuff,
What can I say?
I can’t get enough.
I know it’s just a silly discount
And for my debt, they might jail me,
But if I delete my account,
Then who will e-mail me?”