I’m A Moderate Democrat And These Are My Demands


As a moderate democrat, I demand a little bit of change. 

We’ve gotten away from the America that I grew up in, when I could travel abroad and people in other countries would deride me behind my back rather than straight up asking me what’s wrong with my country when I order a coffee. 

I’m looking for a candidate with the courage to do something to address the atrocious headlines that disgust me without making any sudden changes to the more pervasive institutional practices that precipitate them. It’s a modest request. 

Let’s start with healthcare: In America, if diagnosed with a terrifying illness, we have the option to pay for the life-saving procedure or medicine by crowdsourcing it through heartbreaking social media posts that might result in small contributions from friends, family, or strangers. Now, I’m not suggesting that we need a complete overhaul of the current system we have in place, but I think we all agree it isn’t quite working. Successful crowdsourcing projects are supposed to offer rewards depending on how much you contribute. The Kickstarter for the Veronica Mars movie promised an autograph from Veronica Mars to anyone who gave over $275. And guess what? They’re making a Veronica Mars movie! What if, in return for helping to pay for your chemotherapy, I got to meet Veronica Mars? Or, like, Peyton Manning? I don’t know. I’m not a policy maker. I’m just a passionate voter. 

Immigration is tricky. One one hand, I support human rights. But on the other hand we have to be realistic. Realistic about what? What does that mean? I don’t know, exactly. I just know that I’m absolutely sure that people born elsewhere should be entitled to lives almost as good as mine. And I won’t budge on that, no matter what Trump says. 

The growing issue of tech companies skirting around antitrust laws that were written before modern technology existed is an issue that confuses me and forcing me to confront what I don’t understand is rude and uncivil. Please stop doing it. Also, we need more gun control, but we cannot infringe on the second amendment. What if we made it so that you had to put a quarter in your gun every time you shoot it? It would slow down shooters, and that money could go towards our public school system. Speaking of school, I’m sure a free college education sounds great, but if everyone goes to college then your degree will mean less. You go to college in order to afford yourself opportunities that other people don’t have. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Ultimately, I just want Trump out of office, and I will vote for anyone willing to offer up enough concessions to make that happen. I want a candidate who likes progressive legislation “in theory” but considers any real change literally impossible to implement. We’re experiencing a reality show in the White House right now. Remember when The West Wing felt like an accurate portrayal of American politics? We need to bring back The West Wing. In fact, I’ve decided that I want Martin Sheen to run for president or I’m not voting. Thank you for participating in this political discourse with me. 

-Jonny Auping